I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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