As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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