just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
