I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
