Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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