Yo dont text me then not text me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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