I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize