Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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