dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
