yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
