you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
