i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
