My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
