SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it because I queefed?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
