So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
