Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
no, he came in my armpit
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
