Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
