im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
