And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
