i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize