His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
