I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
