You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
