oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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