I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
