just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
