Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
