So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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