You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
