I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
