sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
