So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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