I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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