don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
