I hate all girls vehemently.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize