only you would photoshop your dick
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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