I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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