Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
