someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
