weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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