i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
