i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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