evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
