I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
