Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
