I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
