so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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