Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
