Already got asked if we're dating
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
