Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
