By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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