I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
