I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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