If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There was a lot of him and a little penis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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