Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
