420 ftw
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize