I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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