We won't sleep together?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
