At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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