If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize