i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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