I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
