I need help removing her.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
