Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
