They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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