I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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