I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
