Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
