Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
