Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
