let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
