he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
