I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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