ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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