I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
