We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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