it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
