Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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