There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
