i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
