If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
