you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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