you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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