I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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