I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
