ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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