thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
