apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
