What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
