its not stalking. its research.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
