I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
