Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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