I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
